Its technically tomorrow...

All day I have been chewing on random blog thoughts in my head, trying to
think of clever little bursts of amusing knowledge that people will actually like.
So I ran through my day and now that it is pretty much over, I can pour them all out onto you people.
Isn't that what blogging is for?


So here it is, the many phases of me, trying to eat right...aka, Why Diets Never Worked (or work) for Me.

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Phase 1: The excuses
Okay, so several things generally go through my mind when I decide I've eaten enough crap...and although I know the time is right, I make up little lists of excuses in my head why I just can't do what I need to do yet, why it needs to be put off just a little longer: we can't afford the proper, nutritious food that I need...I don't have time to prepare...there is a big holiday coming up....there are MANY big holidays coming up...there is a carry in at work...my parents are taking me out to eat tomorrow...my mom is making dinner...I could go on and on. They are all from lists I've had all my life. And the biggest factor in all of them is, they all start off in my head with the sentence: "Might as well eat whatever I want right now...(fill in any statement above)".

Phase 2: The Empty Reward
So all excuses aside, once I am out of that phase, I move into the first leg--reward phase. This is what usually hits me on my first pay day after I start eating right. Money in the bank to me automatically means oooh, lets order pizza. And it works out well, because at this point I have been dieting for a bit and those miniscule water pounds have come off, making me feel skinnier...and my body reacts by talking itself into a "reward".
Now, there are those of you who can reward yourselves like a normal person and not go off the deep end. But then there is me, who looks at a reward like hey, I'm practically anorexic, I need to eat this entire cheesecake or I might die of malnutrition! Plus I've been doing really good, so this won't count.

Phase 3: I actually like to exercise.
No, really, I do. I always have, when physically capable. Once I get my butt moving I become somewhat addicted, and it becomes a good habit. Problem is, I have quite the rebellious side, and once it sees me adapting to a new routine, those voices start to talk me back in to spending the day in bed and ignoring my car keys to go to the gym. I put it off and justify it by talking myself into doing an at-home video. Wrong again. But it just feels so bloody GOOD to not do ANYTHING.
Again, some of you can do this and not make a mess of things. After all, your body needs days to recharge...again, my problem is, I get used to the routine of doing nothing...that leads to said issues above, and into a huge snowball of failure.

Phase 4: The Date
Maybe you are married, dating, single, whatever. We all usually get to go on dates once in a blue moon. I don't exactly mean lovey dates, but even a girls night out is miserable when you feel like dog doo. You're tired, bloated, have been eating crap all day, then go out to dinner with the girls or whoever and eat more crap (of course you are the one trying to talk everyone else into kicking their diets for one night, just so you can reaffirm your self destruction) Finally you end up at a bar where you just want to hide in a corner and play with your phone until you can go home and go to the bathroom, take off these tight, wretched clothes that looked so hot before you ate deep fried garbage, and go to bed. Of course you won't, you'll put on PJ bottoms and watch Sex and the City and eat the last of the ice cream. At the bar everyone looks like they are having fun, everyone looks better then you, and NO ONE will make eye contact. Miserable.

Phase 5: The Big Unplanned Event
Did you ever plan a diet to coincide several months before a BIG event where just EVERYONE will be? Yeah, me too. Then I've been to those big events that are always last minute, and no matter how much you don't eat or work out in the two days notice you have, and even if you actually feel great going there, you will always have the elusive photo taken during said event and when its posted online for the whole world to see, the first words out of your mouth will always be "Oh....my....god." And of course, this is one of those events where every person you have ever dated, hated, slept with and wished dead will be.


Phase 6: The Significant Other
I admit this one may just be me and a few select others who truly hate their own bodies...for those of you who are legally sane, I applaud you. But heres a peek into my world, when I have spent a month or two in line at the chinese buffet.
This is also what I like to refer to as 'the last straw', and is usually what gets my butt into gear. If I could bottle this feeling and dispell it any time I looked at a donut, I wouldn't have the problems I have.
So, after I have been neglecting myself and just eating whatever isn't nailed down, I get into that happy food mood where I dont quite notice at first, but then one day Im a slushy, miserable person...and of course thats the day when my boyfriend decides he wants to be sappy and touchy and stuff. As much as I love him, my stomach physically turns if I feel fat and gross. As much as I try to turn off this feeling and just be with him, it always ends up in me avoiding all contact-I call it my Happy Fun Ball mood...I do not want to be touched, inhaled or looked at. And of course he takes offense at this, thinking I want nothing to do with him. Again, the literal snowball.

Phase 8: The Commitment
So I get geared up and gung ho. This is it. No more feeling like hammered trash. I get almost giddy. That feeling of having something to plan, look forward to, etc. I love that first diet feeling, its almost like a new boyfriend. It treats you right, it holds your hand, it kisses you on the cheek, gives you whatever you want. And the whole time you're hoping it doesn't turn into the slob you were with last time. Ugh, never going back to THAT one. (Even though you may go back for a quickie, just to remind yourself why you will never fully go back)
I usually at this point begin to make rules for myself to follow. Iron-clad, seemingly foolproof rules that I am sure will make it impossible to fail. They usually work the opposite.

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So...why these phases? Why this full circle of torture? Even when you have had WLS and lost over 200 lbs, it still doesn't go away. I remember saying to myself when shopping with a skinnier friend prior to surgery, boy, if I was her size, I would wear this kind of stuff all the time and be sooooo happy. It just so happens I am technically much smaller than that friend now, but still don't wear those things, still do not feel it, and am not as happy as I thought I would be. I wish I could let it go.

But enough, I did NOT invent this blog to whine and nothing else. I made it so I could help others, because I have done EVERYTHING there is to lose weight, including having my insides arranged. And because I look at people doing the wrong thing and I just want to grab them and smack them and have them listen to me. And if I can prevent one person from going way into the deep end and having to surgically correct themselves, like I did, it'll be worth it.

Baby steps. Honestly, I have never done things this way, its just not in my nature, but it seems to appeal to many. If it works well, great. If it doesn't, don't do it, or customize it to where it does. The point is to feel better.


So here it is, Mr. Tip...

Water.


Yes, Water. H2O. Stop cringeing.


We've all heard it. And deep down, we know it. Its just no fun. Besides, most of us are hooked on this poison called aspartame. I know I am.
Water is about as much fun as watching grass grow. Its not pretty or fizzy and it can be expensive if you are picky like me and refuse to drink out of a tap. But really, who are we fooling? Water is needed.

So the first step, albeit challenge is to stop drinking crap, replace it with water.
Keep eating pizza. Just drink water with it. No soda, no DIET soda, no juice, but coffee and tea are okay once or twice a day, because they are virtually water.

Many people will argue this point, because of so much misinformation out there. Some doctors/diets tell you 8 glasses of water per day. Thats 64 oz. Some say 100 oz per day. Some say drink the ounce equivalent of your weight. Well obviously most of us aren't going to do that. 100 oz is a nice round number to work up to. Me personally, I drink 3 liters of water per day. I drink Fiji water. 2 of the big 1.5 liter bottles per day, to be exact. Sometimes less, sometimes a tad more. I weened myself from the other stuff. Its a great step. Start out slow at 64 oz and then work your way up to 100. However you want to do it.

Simple step, I know...but trust me, a crucial one.




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